people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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