I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
