her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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