Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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