You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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