I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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