i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
