We're like a lot better than the average bears
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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