Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
