Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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