so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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