She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
