WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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