you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
