there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
