look no pants
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
