okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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