i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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