that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
