Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
