as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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