You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
