So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
