Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
