I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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