I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
