Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
