His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
