Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
