Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
