I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
