Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
