Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
birth control should be required to get into college
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
