Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
