is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
