Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
