hell yes lets make some ravioli
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
