i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Text me some of your sweat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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