theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
