Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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