Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
