living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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