We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize