i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
