the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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