do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
