This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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