so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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