one might say we're banned from that church
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
