Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
