Yo dont text me then not text me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
