If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
