Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
