did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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