let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
