there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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