i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
