Apparently you make a good broom.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
