Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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