i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
