We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
