White coat. Heels.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
