need another drink. this is the easiest way
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
