Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
