question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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