I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
