seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
