Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
