you guys were way drunker than both of me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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