Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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